Monday, 7 July 2014

#Situationships EXCLUSIVE BLOG for Simply Oloni subscribers

                                          
I will be releasing an EXCLUSIVE blog tonight for all Simply Oloni subscribers called #Situationships if you'd like to read it then join the mailing list right now over at simplyoloni.com. 

Here's a SNIPPET.....


'Situationships.

Good sex, bad relationships.

Situationships are one of the most unhealthiest bonds between a male and a female. It's so unhealthy they've had to give it a new name. You're in a 'situation', which in reality means you're not single, but you certainly can't see anyone else. Does being in a situationship mean you're still not allowed to flirt or date anybody? It's beyond complicated that nobody knows the rules, which initially causes the arguments. However, when both parties know they're committed to each other and each other alone, there is no space for confusion.' 


                   
   



Also one last thing, Simply Oloni has been nominated for the Cosmo Blog Awards 2014 for the #bestsexandrelationships blog. WHOOOO HOOO!! Vote Simply Oloni here to win http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/_mobile/blogs/cosmo-blog-awards-2014/cosmo-blog-awards-2014-shortlist (10th page) 

Oloni

X





Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Black Women Who Want Lighter and Whiter Skin







"Cosmetic companies that do produce skin lightening products have been profiting for many years on the insecurities of darker skinned women "



Women have always been obsessed with their physical features. Are our waists small enough? Does our bottom look good when we throw on our favourite dress? Although it’s all well and good to look your best, where do we draw the line in order to look and feel attractive when it boils down to our appearances? Make up and getting a new hair colour has always been the famous tricks, even push up bras, but it seems like some women of colour are pushing to new extreme levels such as bleaching their skin.

Afro-Caribbean hair and beauty shops across the UK are known for selling creams which lightens the skin. With names such as ‘Whitenicious’, ‘Maxi White’ and ‘Caro White’  there’s no secret behind the purpose of these products. Some might think does having lighter skin equal beauty? And if not why are they being sold in shops and targeted at black women?

The creator of Whitenicious who calls herself Dencia told Channel 4 News recently that her product was simply a dark spot remover. She insisted it was only called Whitenicious because
‘White means pure’ and added: ‘Some people do not feel pure with dark spots’. 

Dencia explained the cream is supposed to be used for tackling hyper-pigmentation, even though the image for the product tells a different story.The cream uses an image of herself with a porcelain complexion. This is one of hundreds of similar sold items targeted at black and Asian women in order for them to lighten their skin colour. 

What some women don't know when bleaching their skin are the side effects caused by the hydroquinone which reduces the concentration of the melanin within dark skin. Although Whitenicious doesn’t include hydroquinone, some other skin lightening products do. The chemical slowly strips away the the first few layers of skin colour, till it's left with a much lighter tone and different shade. 

Hydroquinone is not permissible by law in cosmetic stores in the UK as some of the side effects include kidney damage, headaches and nausea. This also takes away the natural form inside the body that ultimately fights against skin problems due to the sun and increases the chance of skin cancer. 

Many businesses within the UK have been fined for selling such skin damaging products. In early 2009 a man who was not only selling illegal medicine, but also skin bleaching creams which contained corticosteroids and hydroquinone was fined with a total amount ot £80,000.

‘Unfortunately, many skin- lightening creams contain illegal compounds that can damage your health,’  said Indy Rihal from the British Skin Foundation. He also added that ‘The most compounds are high-dose steroids’ 

In September 2010 a member of the public informed the trading standards that 
a beauty stall owner in Peterborough City was selling lightening creams which also included hydroquinone, the owner was fined £1,000.

Skin lightening includes so many risks such as the thinning of skin, uneven skin and colour loss, different forms of irritation and a very blotchy appearance. 

The retail outlets and companies who do sell these creams demonstrate that we are now allowing others to determine what is identified as beauty, which includes lighter skin to look more caucasian. 

There are also many dark skinned women who find it difficult to accept the colour of their skin due to the types of black women that are seen within the media. Lighter women, such as Beyonce, Alesha Dixon, Rihanna and Halle Berry. Darker skinned women are rarely seen on TV or glamorised in which the way lighter skinned women are, perhaps if there was a change so many young women wouldn’t feel the need to want to bleach.

Lupita Nyong’o’s extraordinary performance in 12 Years a Slave had the media in a frenzy for a few months after the release of the 31-year-old’s film, where she won an Oscar for her role. So many women of colour celebrated not only her win, but what she represented, a dark skinned woman who had finally been acknowledged and looked up to as an inspiration on the big screen.

At Essence’s Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon in February, the actress Lupita spoke about  a letter she had received from a fan who thought about using Whitenicious. She said:’I want to take this opportunity to talk about beauty, black beauty, dark beauty,’

Lupita added: ‘I remember a time when I too felt unbeautiful. I put on the TV and only saw pale skin, I got teased and taunted about my night-shaded skin. And my one prayer to God, the miracle worker, was that I would wake up lighter-skinned. I tried to negotiate with God: I told him I would stop stealing sugar cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted, I would listen to my mother’s every word and never lose my school sweater again if he just made me a little lighter. But I guess God was unimpressed with my bargaining chips, because he never listened.’

This speech gained the attention of so many people, especially Lancome, who announced that Lupita would be their first black female ambassador.

Cosmetic companies that do produce skin lightening products have been profiting for many years on the insecurities of darker skinned women. With a huge star like Lupita now in the eyes of the media maybe this can slowly change, especially as she also graced the cover of  Marie Claire in February.

 Young black girls hardly ever see women of colour on TV let alone on magazine stands. It still remains that women of colour are still underrepresented in all areas of the media including fashion and beauty. 

There was once a time where we were able to read reviews of beauty products to help improve the conditions of our skin. Now, instead there are reviews which advise darker skinned women on ways to lighten it. There are numerous online where women are told which creams work best for getting rid of blemishes and how to create an even skin tone. Websites such as skincare.lovetoknow.com have given many reviews on skin products such as Ambi Fade Cream, a cream which is supposed to help get rid of hyperpigmentation but have advised readers to stop using the product  ‘once your desired skin tone is acheived’ even as it includes two percent of hyrdroquinone. 

Has the phrase 'black is beautiful' lost it's meaning and are those who produce the products encouraging it? With these products being sold just over the counter at beauty shops it’s looks like this adds towards the self hate of some darker skinned women, as they’re being told what shade of skin is more accepted.

In a recent survey it was shown that out of 100 black females between the ages of 18-25 
32% weren’t happy with the colour of their skin. 48% admitted that they thought other complexions of black skin were more attractive compared to another.

When asked which colour of skin they all felt was perceived to be attractive over 90% said lighter skin for various reasons.

‘More commonly, a lighter shade. In my opinion. I feel the medias exclusion of darker skinned females has conditioned a lot of minds into rejecting us.’

‘Lighter skinned women because that is what is perceived in the media, also because of the existence of skin bleaching creams.’

‘Light skinned, I feel like maybe because white people have portrayed their skin to be "superior" it has filtered through into black people.’

‘Lighter skin is often considered as being synonymous with beauty; or society's image of beauty rather. I think this conception stems from a socially constructed image of beauty and historical factors dating back to slavery where there was a hierarchy of slaves based on complexion.’

Naomi Aregbs a 22 year old student who had tried skin lightening admitted: ‘I thought about bleaching because when I was younger, I used to think that the prettiest girls were light skinned,’

She also added: ‘boys would prefer to be with them over darker girls’.

‘So I thought if I bleached, I would become somewhat desirable in the eyes of boys/men.’

Another student, Victoria Bell,18 explained why she thought about skin bleaching, but why she never went through with it, saying: ‘I was young and it was promoted that lighter skin was the best skin. The tabloids etc weren’t publicising darker women at all’

Victoria explained: ‘I was young and young minded and grew up to be comfortable in my own skin’ 

There are some young women who have grown to be comfortable within their natural appearance, whilst still thinking about the option of skin lightening, and other women who are now growing to see stars such as Lupita Nyong’o grace the scene, but what if Lupita Nyong’o is just an example? A trend for now. The western audience seem to always dictate what beauty is so much that groups within the black community have been created. ‘Team light skin’ vs ‘Team dark skin’ a phrase often used by those of a darker complexion and a lighter one. It’s become such a big deal that those of colour have even decided to segregate themselves under their complexion of skin in teams. What does the term mean? And is either team better than the other, especially when both are simply black groups?

As different women purchase different substances to lighten their skin it shows how they’re trying to fit into a category of what the media may determine as beauty, but without thinking of the repercussions it could cause their health in the long run. Whilst women are going through many procedures to feel more beautiful and appealing, skin colour is still playing a major role within in it in today's society, especially if black women are still being defined by the complexion of their skin.

I interviewed an anonymous 22-year-old woman who explained to me roughly on why she had bleached in the past.

What made you think about bleaching your skin?
When I was in secondary school I would constantly tan with the white girls never considering that getting darker was an issue. One day after enjoying the sun I came home and my mother asked to speak to me. During this conversation she told me how dark I had become and gave me some bleaching cream and  told me to lighten my skin and avoid the sun.

Have you continued? 
I continued off and on for about three years after being given cream as she also introduced bleaching to my 2 sisters and it became a family norm. Although I no longer bleach as it is costly, hard to maintain the lighter skin colour and I don't want skin cancer.

Did you feel more accepted when you started to bleach your skin?
Yes, one incident occurred when I was working at Abercrombie and Fitch surrounded by light skin black people who started chanting “Team light skin’. I felt like I was a part of an elite group.

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Written and Edited by @Oloni - Dami Olonisakin -
Originally written May 5th, 2014 

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If you haven't yet make sure you head over to www.simplyoloni.com for my latest project The Experience the prelude to The Girlfriend Fluffer.


Friday, 2 May 2014

Nominate me! Best Sex & Relationships Blog #CosmoBlogAwards





Hey guys! I'd really appreciate it, if you could all nominate my blog for Best Sex and Relationships Blog for the #CosmoBlogAward 2014!

I've been blogging for over 7 years (no word of a lie, check my archive lol)  about different aspects within relationships as I've grown up. I've also covered everything from, being bad in bed, to knowing if a title is as important as it's made out to be within a relationship!

If you have enjoyed reading any of my blogs then PLEASE nominate me! It only takes two minutes here's the link: 


SimplyOloni.blogspot.co.uk

Thank you!!

Thursday, 10 April 2014

The 80/20 Rule



The 80/20 rule is a way of understanding that no matter who you fall into a relationship with, they will never be that full extraordinary 100. Instead the most you will find is 80, which to us should be amazing, right?

I remember when I first heard of the 80/20 rule. I thought it was absolute rubbish, maybe because I was so wildly in love that I believed that the man who stood beside me was in actual fact EVERYTHING I needed and wanted. What could I possibly want to change and with WHO?

We, as women (and of course men), can be so blindly infatuated with what is set in front of us that we experience tunnel vision- our partner is basically flawless in our eyes. It's only after this "honeymoon stage" comes to a halt that we start to pick at our partner's flaws, concentrating on their imperfections and what needs changing. It's as if we suddenly start to see the REAL them, realising how cloudy our initial judgement was.

Have you ever felt like the person you were dating wasn't everything you wanted? After all, nobody's perfect. Or would they be, if you could replace a certain attribute of their's with someone else's?

The mistake a lot of us women have made whilst being committed is falling for someone else outside of our relationship. Someone else comes along doing all the things we wish our partner did, and just like that, we've fallen for a 20, subcontiously feeling like they're generally that 100. Nope, WRONG.  You've just fallen with what stood out to you and that ONLY.

What about the men though huh? Men love what the eyes see on some occasions, not that I condone it or find it acceptable, but they cheat. However, they still want to be with their loyal/wife or girlfriend? *cough* Dwayne (cheating-ass-bastard-didn't-even-use-a-condom) Wade for example.

Not that all men result to cheating, but like women I'm sure they have thought "If only my girl cooked like xyz*" or "if only she had 'a bigger ass/smaller waist/bigger breasts' etc etc," forgetting what made them so attracted to her in the first place.

You may have stopped giving her attention and also stopped doing the 'little things' you did before, such as encouraging her, helping her with her assignments, her job hunting, or just simply listening.

But is the grass always greener? Are we too busy looking for perfection that we forget to make what we have stable, so instead look elsewhere constantly? Or are we trying to fill an an empty void that we didn't know needed filling till this 20 showed up? Can these be one of the many reasons relationships don't always work out? Has our generation become obsessed with trying to make it work, only with others.... OUTSIDE their relationship that 20's have become the new 100?

How do we know we're not making love and in a relationship with a 20 instead of a 80?

We don't know in all honesty. All you can do is weigh out your options & ask yourself could you really imagine yourself leaving your partner for someone new that came along or would you much rather BUILD, talk, support each other and work things out?"

After reading many articles outlining the 80/20 rule, it dawned on me just how some of us try to look for something that doesn't exist - 100. No-one is perfectly compatible with their partner. Not even Beyo.... Barack Obama and Michelle. Most of us are too busy trying to find completion in someone else that we don't look at or try to improve ourselves and more importantly the ones we share a bed with at night.

By @Oloni
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If you haven't yet make sure you head over to www.simplyoloni.com for my latest project The Experience the prelude to The Girlfriend Fluffer.

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

The Experience - Edited by @Oloni

One year ago today I released one of my most memorable blogs The Girlfriend Fluffer.

With that said, I have created a prelude full of experiences people have sent me, where they felt they either fluffed someone or got fluffed.

Get it now on my NEW website: www.simplyoloni.com

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Pre-Judgement Day Review by @Oloni

Last Thursday, many gathered in the heart of London at the New Heritage Theatre to watch a play called Pre Judgement Day starring the talented Natalie Twum Barima in a one-woman show. The play itself was derived from a piece that had been performed by her before, which was originally 10 minutes long.

That night as friends, family and strangers came out to support, we all witnessed an actress who took her theatre skills to a new level. Barima skilfully managed to adopt the persona of a multitude of characters, switching between roles numerous times and giving us insights into characters from different racial backgrounds, all with varying ages & genders. She used these roles to describe the lives of many and how they'd feel if the world ended tomorrow.

From Amir who was sent to prison for manslaughter to Dermaine who seemed like he had unresolved issues and, by the reception and ongoing laughter of the crowd, the audiences favourite, Shewayway, plus many more; Natalie was able to stretch herself to embody these roles and tell the stories of each character and their mishaps.

With practically just a chair, hoodie and a nail file, the 27 year old actress entertained us all as she delivered each monologue and made everyone in the the theatre, pause, think and feel.  What if tomorrow was Pre Judgement day? What would you change? Who would you forgive? Who would you reach out to? So many questions with very little time to find the answers.

It takes a tremendous amount of talent to perform how Natalie did when she took to the spotlight and embraced each character whilst keeping the attention of the audience. The question on everyone's lips at the end of the night was simply, "when will the next show be?"

By @Oloni
Edited by @EzekielThePoet 

Monday, 10 February 2014

Top 3 Valentine's Day Ideas


What's better than using this time to buy the sexiest pieces of lingerie? From Ann Summers, Victoria's Secret and ASOS, there's something for every girl out there to surprise her Mr with.


               
VS Bombshell Limited Edition


 VS Mesh & Lace Gartier Slip

        Black VS Very Sexy Black Strappy Push Up Bra.


For any questions about any Victoria's Secret Tweet my awesome friend @Sayonaisee (she's got the hook up)


 ASOS Red Pour Moi Red Addicted Set £12

              ASOS Von Follies By Dita Von Teese Leading Lady Bustier £60

         ASOS Elle Macpherson Intimates Just For You Underwire Bra £65


  Ann Summers Klaudia Rose Gold Cami Suspender £35


 Ann Summers Delicious Delights £35

   Ann Summers Dark Romance Black £25

This next one is for the men! Most women love flowers, so before you pick up your last minute roses from the offy around from your work place, try harder by impressing her with a beautiful bouquet or roses.
You can make an order from any florists, telling them specifically how you'd like your bouquet to look or online, just in time from sites such as Nextflowers.co.uk

If you do plan on having nothing but great sex, stay indoors and make it exciting. Do and try things you haven't from, sex toys, glasses of wine, playing with fruits, perhaps different flavoured sauces and filling the room with beautiful scented candles. This is probably the only day your neighbours can't complain about the thumping, so enjoy!

Drews Cakes! @DrewsCakesUK


I saw these beautiful cupcakes on my timeline and just had to share them. Aren't they just perfect for this time of year?  

  If you'd like to spoil someone this Valentine's Day make sure you contact Drews Cakes via Twitter @DrewsCakesUK

Pre-Judgement Day

Pre Judgement Day will be taking place at 7.30pm Thursday, 20th February 2014 at the New Heritage Theatre.  Written by Natalie Twum Barima. . for more information follow @nh_theatre or @Natalie_tb

Sunday, 2 February 2014

My Sweet Valentine

Single's must really HATE Valentine's Day, or probably just don't care for it. Who knows? It's as almost as if this time of year was set out to be a taboo for them. 

I remember when rapper Wale once tweeted:

'Feb 14 is national “I’m-Jealous-Of-Everybody-In-A-Happy-Relationship" day'.

Valentine's day is a beautiful day and those outside a relationship forget this. Whereas those in relationships may feel as though the day is all about their chance to celebrate their relationship. Wrong, in my opinion anyway. Valentine's day, is a day where we are supposed to simply spread love and generosity however we choose to.

It's not only meant for those who have paired off and been together for a few months to a few years, because in reality, shouldn't you be doing these things most days anyway? This shouldn't be the only day you use to buy your partner roses or show the world via Instagram how great your boyfriend or girlfriend is. 

I see it this way, Feb 14th should be a date where those who have been 'talking' or dating someone for some time use this as an opportunity to make it special. It doesn't even have to be romantic, but just a beautiful gesture between two friends or even a crush.

Take that guy out on a date who you met once and has now been in your Twitter mentions several times in the last couple months. (Unless he's a creeper)

Ask the girl out in your class who you rarely speak to, but always smile at and say 'Hi' to.

As over hyped as this day may be, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want gifts. You're damn right I do. I want flowers, chocolates and a card just like every other holiday.

But Valentine's Day is more than the show couples try and put on to make the world stop & stare. It's a day representing love and a day we need to appreciate love.

What are your opinions on V-Day? Tweet them with the hashtag #OlonisBlog and join in the conversation! 

........Next week, read my Top 3 Valentine's Day ideas. (Oooh I can see the guys gripping onto their seats for this!!!

By @Oloni
Edited by @EzekielThePoet

Update!



Hey guys :-) I hope you're all well. Firstly, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has been supporting me & my lil ol blog over here at Simply Oloni. If you've retweeted a blog of mine, shared it, read it, THANK YOU & THANK YOU. It's honestly because of those reasons that I always want to bring you something new!

A little update from me to you. .

I have 3 months left of university before I graduate! Whoop.
In 3 months I also start my dream internship with Cosmopolitan magazine UK. Exciting right?
I have a surprise for ALL of my loyal readers on the 26th February!
More blogs, more sex, more relationships, more fashion and more beauty topics from me this year.

Lastly, I've just created a Facebook page so pleaseee pleaseee LIKE it for more updates on my latest projects!



Oloni x

Friday, 20 December 2013

Beyonce vs Feminism: Quick Rant


This time last week at 5:30am, I felt like the Holy Spirit woke me up from my slumber (No, seriously). As I checked my phone, all I could see were Beyoncé quotes, pictures and video links all over my Twitter timeline. I was confused as to why she was trending at this time of the morning. Was there another picture circulating of Blue Ivy’s uncombed hair? Not this time. It all made sense after a few minutes of scrolling and visiting celeb entertainment sites. The singing sensation had just released an album exclusively on iTunes.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve never bought a damn thing off iTunes in my life. So I quickly hopped out of bed and grabbed my debit card, and boy am I glad I did. She provided her fans with 14 songs and 17 music videos. The funny thing? Not one person saw this coming. Not ONE.

NOW my problem… Is that some blogs/sites are trying their best to look for a problem, a fault, a glitch, something that takes away from how amazing this woman is.

Earlier this week I read an article on Huffpost a friend sent me. They focused so hard on the lyrics of Jay-Z’s verse in Drunk In Love, as if everything he spat was literal.

‘Catch a charge I might, beat the box up like 
Mike in 97 I bite, I’m like Turner, turn up                                                                                                 Baby know I don’t play, now eat the cake Anna Mae                                                                           Said, ‘Eat the cake, Anna Mae!’



Because Beyoncé would really let the father of her child talk about how he abuses her on her own track. It was as if they wanted something to criticize and found that. A rap verse that was less than 30 seconds, where all he was really referring to was how he put it down in the bedroom. IT WAS FUNNY.
Then I read a rant by Jameela Jamil last night about Beyoncé labeled ‘Beauty and the Beast’ (side eyes) where she discussed how mortified she was by the level of skin that was shown in the singer’s music videos.

'Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Iggy Azaelea…. The list goes on of FEMALE artists who have “flaunted” what they have in the public eye unashamedly (and tastefully, in some instances). Why is Beyoncé being put under the guillotine for merely doing the same? These are just talented women who have talked themselves into the idea (SET BY MEN) that a woman’s sexuality sells above all else. They have deluded themselves into thinking its “feminism” if you get your fanny out on “your terms.” Feminism is equality. Jay-Z doesn’t get his balls out (Thank Jesus) to sell a record. Naturally, in Beyoncé’s videos, he’s fully clothed, watching her, practically nude, dance for him, be it on a chaise tongue, a pole, a piano, a steering wheel… She’s at HIS service. “She just wants to be the kind of girl he likes… she keeps singing.” What’s the message here? Like me because I am here to dance for you, to service you, to be YOUR fantasy, I cooked for you naked, blah blah blah. Naked, naked, naked, boobs, boobs, boobs, sex sex, sex, fanny, fanny, fanny…. ARRRRGGGGHHHH!'

Why would Jay-Z need to get half naked in Beyoncé’s video? He barely shows any skin in his own, and when did that become such a huge factor? WHEN did feminism become so inextricably linked with this stone-age philosophy of competing with men to secure equality? Shouldn’t women be allowed to exist INDEPENDENTLY of men without having to compete to be deemed relevant? And how does Beyoncé showing the nakedness of the opposite sex prove any sort of equality of feminism?

Feminism is supposed to focus on supporting a woman’s decision, no matter what it may be. So what if Beyoncé chooses to show a submissive side to her husband in her videos by dancing for him? So WHAT??? She’s a married woman and if she feels like singing about being Drunk in Love, Crazy In love, Dangerously in Love. . Hell. .  If she wants to be High In Love and sing about it with her man on a beach, who are we to judge? No, honestly, who are you and I?

Now unless you have been living under a rock for the last 15 years, what Beyoncé has been showing us in her videos and concerts has not changed. As much as I hate using the cliché description, wasn’t she the ‘Bootylicious’ girl from the greatest girl group of all time Destiny’s Child? Was she not the same girl shaking her bottom in the Crazy in Love video and being drenched in water as she kicked down the fountain just before Jay-Z appeared, no? Oooh and what about in the Naughty Girl video when she was in a supersize wine glass filled with champagne. Let me stop there… Before I forget my actual point… Yes. My point is that Beyoncé has not changed, there’s just more to take in, especially as it was given to us in one go. We were given SEVENTEEN videos AT ONCE.



She’s an entertainer and her way of selling music has not changed. If you fail to realise that, that’s on you & no-one else. I see it like this…. As empowering as Beyoncé is, she still wants to show us her sexually liberated side within her music. THIS is what people confuse for feminism. I’m sure she doesn’t need to rely on sex to sell, she didn’t even rely on PROMOTION to sell.

By @Oloni
Edited by @EzekielThePoet

Thursday, 19 December 2013

I Don't Date Black Women: Quick Rant


'I don't like black women, they're all (loud, rude, fit appropriate, yet negative adjective here)'

'But your mother is black'

'I don't want to marry my mum do I?'

Yes this was a tweet I posted last night, where some men chose to argue and miss the point of what my 140 characters meant.

We know you do not want to date your mothers, that would be incredibly gross. However responding in such a manner would mean you've missed the entire point.

Generalising women and your own race not only shows ignorance towards your culture, but the people who raised you and I. I repeat, we don't want you to date your mothers. . but let me keep it real if I ever heard my son say 'I don't date black women because they're too aggressive' etc. I'd be deeply offended. What the fuck did I raise?

 A black woman was WHO raised you.

Black men understand this, black women do not care what race you find attractive, when it comes to preference that is an entirely different argument, but the moment you use derogatory words as to why you dislike us, then it becomes mind baffling.

If you can't express any type of love towards us, well how will other racial backgrounds?

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Your Favourite Blogs By Me From 2013



The Girlfriend Fluffer (Do women give men power?) | Tuesday, 26th February, 2013 | The popular blog written by myself earlier this year, where I discussed how some women prepare the man they are seeing for the woman he eventually falls into a relationship with.

'When you show an unwavering amount of loyalty to a man, some guys see it and may want to take it to the next step of becoming ‘official’, whereas others could manipulate the situation and abuse it. It’s all about being safe because essentially no girl wants to be a ‘Girlfriend Fluffer’, it never ends in their favour.'

Are Titles Important In Relationships? | Monday, 25th March, 2013 | When I asked people on my Twitter timeline how they felt about titles within a relationship responses I got were:

'You have to respect the people outside of the relationship who may care [about the superficial things like titles]. Not the person who is just nosey & want to know your business. Defining the relationship is not just about the people who are in it sometimes'

Is She Emotionally Slutty? | Friday, 24th May, 2013 | Sharing your emotions or feelings with someone is sometimes seen as the easiest way to form a relationship with a  friend or a lover, but how soon and often do you do this?

'Most emotional sluts understand how strong a relationship can be built if it’s fed off emotions. They can also be false adverts towards the gullible. With the baggage they release they create a false attachment causing the man to believe there is some connection when, in actuality, it's superficial. As the man, you feel as if you've created a bond with someone who was an absolute stranger just a few weeks ago. Do such connections exist and can they happen just like that? Of course. Sometimes.'

Rock, Paper, Boyfriend | Tuesday, 16th July, 2013 | Have you ever been in a difficult situation when it came to your partner and friends? This blog discusses the infamous term 'Chicks before d*cks' and other problems one might face in thee type of scenarios.

'When your friend has a boyfriend you’re uneasy about, it can be the downfall of your friendship. It’s the worst. I once had a friend who had a new boyfriend, as soon as that relationship started we never saw each other as much after a while and that was fine, because what new couple doesn’t want to spend every moment of every day together?'



Would Bad Sex Ruin Your Relationship? | Tuesday, 13th August, 2013 |

'Sometimes men believe that if a woman doesn’t climax then the time spent being intimate wasn’t pleasurable from her side, which is false. Women are still able to enjoy sex without climaxing, believe it or not. However, you’d be very surprised by how many times a female has to fake a climax just so it will be over'

How Many Female Friends Is Too Many? | Tuesday, 18th October, 2013 |

'Does having too many female friends mean anything anyway? Could he genuinely just enjoy the relationships he has or could this just show insecurities on our side? Besides…would we complain if these females had their genitalia replaced with a male’s?' 

Are Abortions The New Age Contraception? | Monday, 25th November, 2013 | Here I write about how abortion is being treated after more than 50 years of legalisation as a contraception in 2013.What are your views are you pro choice or pro life?

'There have been many arguments surrounding the topic of terminating a pregnancy before a certain time frame. Some have argued that a foetus is still a human being despite the stage of the pregnancy, whereas others have asserted that a foetus is just a number of cells therefore not breaking any human rights. But is conception and birth just a false threshold to define the meaning of life? Or are we neutralising the topic by saying life begins at birth?'


Magazine Obsessed


If you don't know already, my obsession are magazines, but most importantly writing inside them. From fashion, sex, friends, lifestyle. I enjoy it all. This year I started writing for Amor Magazine! . . 
 Check out some of my work below.


If you would like a freelance writer for your blog/magazine e-mail me itsOloni@gmail.com

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

#DearOloni I never wanted an abortion in the end.

Hey,

 I just came across your blog and decided to email you. I thought that I would share my point of view about abortions with you. I fell pregnant about this time 2 years ago, I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 4 1/2 months (I had a small stomach) When I found out I was pregnant I didn’t want to keep the baby, the first decision I made was to book an appointment at a clinic and to get rid of the pregnancy, I was all set to go and then I started to have second thoughts, my friends advised me to tell the father We were not together we were just 'seeing each other' at the time. When I told him I was pregnant he wasn’t happy and was quite upset with me (as if I got myself pregnant) I told him I wasn’t going to keep it and he was happy about it. It came closer to the date to get the abortion, I was truly and honestly scared shitless!  I asked him to go with me but he said and I quote "I’m busy"- At first I pretended that didn’t care but I did. 

I missed the appointment to go because I felt dizzy and was vomiting so I made another appointment, before I could go my mum realized that I was pregnant and advised me not to do it. I didn’t care because I never wanted to be a mother. So I went to the clinic anyway, they told me that they couldn’t do it because I was too far along, so then it was time to tell the father.

I told him that I didn’t do it and the first thing he said to me was ‘Why?’ I guess that's understandable I said I was going to and I never, so he wants to know why. I explained about how my mother found out and told me to keep it and how I went there but they told me I was too far gone. He then got very angry with me and started saying that I was trying to trap him and how he wasn’t ready to be a father and that I wanted to ruin his life. I was surprised at some of the things he was saying to me. We never spoke for a couple of days and after he calmed down he told me, that he simply didnt want to be involved with the child so I said okay, I had to accept that I was going to be bringing up this child by myself, my family wanted to inform his parents about the situation but I told them no because I respected his wishes and didn’t want to force a baby he doesn’t want. So we stopped talking about a month before the baby was born and we haven’t talked since. I had a boy, his name is Emmanuel, he's almost 2 and I have to say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that sounds really cliché, but its true! I am so happy that I didn’t get rid of the pregnancy. 

Anyway I just wanted to say that, For me being pregnant for someone that didn’t care hurt so much, sometimes when I think about it I still cry and during my pregnancy I cried every day at some point I even started having suicidal thoughts. So my advice to all girls is if you’re going to sleep with a guy, please make sure that if you were to get pregnant that he would be there for you because even contraception isn't 100% effective, or just don’t sleep with any guy until you are married, because I do love my son, my only regrets are of me having sex in the first place and like someone once said "Having sex unprotected is like magic, once the baby comes the father disappears"

Kind regards,
 Siobhan xo


P.S I don’t mind receiving emails or giving advice to anyone that needs it 

Monday, 25 November 2013

Are Abortions The New Age Contraception?


 Writing this article has probably been the toughest for me to blog about, primarily due to the fact that abortion is a sensitive and controversial subject. So when I originally compiled this blog post in February 2013 earlier this year, I found it difficult to distinguish the best angle to take without stirring up too much controversy. However, the longer I procrastinated on writing this article, the more I realised that abortion isn’t a topic that we can pretend doesn’t exist, nor can we avoid bringing the discussion to the forefront merely because someone may find the subject matter slightly uncomfortable.





Earlier this year I watched a documentary about abortions in the UK entitled ‘The Great Abortion Divide’. As the documentary came to an end and I was left with just my thoughts, I began to think about what my views were when it came to the moral standing regarding abortions.

Should abortions be illegal or remain permissible by law?

Do women have the right to decide when they can terminate a pregnancy?

And as the saying goes, “it takes two to tango”, but are men truly entitled to an opinion on the female body and what she does with it? And how valued is it that said opinion?
                                                         
I've heard so many scenarios whereby women who have had a moment of carefree frivolity with a man just once and once only, which then resulted in a pregnancy that she decided to continue with without the option of abortion being considered.

The reaction of the male, you ask?
'Why in God's name would you want keep it?'
 'I'm not ready!'
 'I don't even know your last name'.
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

Literally.

Here’s a question for my male readers…
What would you do if the last person you had unprotected sex with, who you weren't in a committed relationship with, fell pregnant?

Part of the mainstream media have made it trivial for women who fall pregnant outside of wedlock or a relationship with the burden of being branded as a female who has intentionally 'trapped' a guy with an unplanned pregnancy, even though both adults consented to having sex without any form of prior contraception. But of course we have the scenario whereby he wants to keep the child but she doesn’t agree because “it’s my body!” and has an abortion regardless of his wishes.

So where do we draw the line?

Does having a ‘last resort’ abortion prove to be unethical? Some may argue that there are so many other incentives put in place to prevent unwanted pregnancies that abortions shouldn’t have to be an option.

Is having an abortion the question, and is the only solution ‘yes’?

It is reported that over 300,000 women a year go to the clinic to terminate unwanted pregnancies for different reasons. That works out to be way over 600 procedures each day. It seems as though the number of abortions that took place 50 years ago were lower, but why? Was the legalisation of abortion a form of women’s liberation, aiding the forces of radical feminism that has now seemed to have lost its meaning? Or Is it a ‘privilege’ that is being abused and becoming the new age contraception?
 
A girl I had met during my first year of university, opened up to me about an abortion she had at the tender age of 15. I don’t know what bothered me most about the situation. The fact she had just told me, a person she had only known for 5 weeks, about such a sensitive subject in such a blasé manner or how she swiftly changed the content of the conversation without a pause in her speech after dropping the bomb like it was an everyday thing that happened.

Friend 1:-‘How was your day today?’
Friend 2:-‘Weren’t bad, went shopping and had an abortion, yours?’

I didn’t ask her why she decided to have an abortion, my main concern was if she knew about the ways she could have prevented herself from becoming another teenage statistic.

I’d like to believe that the government have funded the NHS well enough to provide several different types of contraception to avoid terminating a pregnancy, so why are the figures so high?

I interviewed a spokesperson from Marie Stopes International, an abortion clinic in London to find out if the women who do come in for any type of consultation are aware of all of their options when it came to contraception, to which they responded that: ’Women are not educated enough on contraception and there certainly is not widespread awareness of the failure rates of pills and condoms. Long Acting Reversible Contraceptive methods are the most reliable (IUD,IUS, Implant, Injection), giving peace of mind and meaning that women can be in control of their fertility. '

There have been many arguments surrounding the topic of terminating a pregnancy before a certain time frame. Some have argued that a foetus is still a human being despite the stage of the pregnancy, whereas others have asserted that a foetus is just a number of cells therefore not breaking any human rights. But is conception and birth just a false threshold to define the meaning of life? Or are we neutralising the topic by saying life begins at birth?

I had a conversation with a close friend of mine named June, and she commented on the matter by saying: 'I believe women should have the right to make choices, and while writers and advocates often focus on how "women should prevent this from happening," I personally think that it is important to remember that women cannot conceive without a man. Larger societal themes are at play here, like for example the glamorization of unprotected sex in Hollywood and the music industry, premature sex without proper sexual education, not to mention the ever growing culture of sexualizing women and the hypermasculized, almost animalistic male experience of "I'm tryna smash!!" and at most times delusional assertions that “she wants the D!”. Surely a woman has a right to decide what is best for her and her life. Abortion shaming and silence is a real issue, women need support, not judgemental remarks when they’re in these very vulnerable situations.

The burdens of parenthood ultimately fall on the woman alone in most of these situations. While I think I'm pro-life for my personal life, I strongly believe that it is not for us to regulate other people's outcomes or police their bodies. I know they know better for themselves then we do, and am therefore pro-choice. -June, 23, VA. 

A German philosopher named Immanuel Kant had a theory based on deontological ethics. He explains his concept of morality and how ‘some acts are right or wrong because of the sorts of things they are, and people have a duty to act accordingly, regardless of the good or bad consequences that may be produced’ and I believe this motion can be applied before succumbing to the decision of having an abortion.

If that's the case, terminating pregnancies would be made illegal based on the fact no matter what the actions were. 75 percent of women who have an abortion are either worried they won't be financially stable to take care of the baby or feel as though by having a child it would end up hindering their education, especially if they had to raise the baby alone. With actions, come responsibilities which then leads into duties.

Contraception has one aim and one only, to avoid unwanted pregnancies. With that said, is our generation forgetting about the other risks such as STI's, STD's, HIV and AIDS? Or do we just not care enough?

I'm all for female empowerment, for as many of you know, to empower means to educate. I believe a woman who has control over her situation at the time, should consider all of her options. Was the legalisation of abortion in 1967 passed down for those who aren’t ‘ready now’?  Or for women whose health could be at risk as well those who fell pregnant through crimes such as rape or child abuse?

 


I wouldn’t say I’m pro-life activist, but a writer with pro-choice views and believe that every woman deserves to have the right to decide what she wants to do with her body, but also educate herself with the various choices which are available to her before having to make such a life changing decision.

What are your views on abortion? Join in the debate with the hashtag #OlonisBlog 

Written by @Oloni
& edited by @AprilOffDuty 

Monday, 11 November 2013

#DearOloni University & Men

Hi, 
I like your blog and I like your words they're really good, I was wondering whether you could do a blog post or maybe just reply with some advice. 
I'm third year student at uni and I haven't had the typical university experience (NO CLUBBING, NO BF'S NO, I DIDN'T EVEN JOIN ACS MUCH) I wanted to do all these things but because my course is hard and I have to focus I don't have time plus I didn't move out. Don't get me wrong I have friends and we chill but most of the time I'm just focused watching university friends have fun sigh. 
ALSO I started talking to this guy last year it was nice we both didn't want relationship but company I guess (we weren't even friends with benefits) after a year of talking we were chill but like he says he's not ready to date and if he was ready he would date but a week late he's in a relationship. It's kind of annoying and upsetting I'm happy he's happy don't get me wrong I DIDN'T REALLY want to be in a relationship I guess I'm going to miss the company. I'm a 21 year old virgin and never really had a boyfriend but yeah...what your opinion on university working hard and guys? 
I assumed I would meet my husband at uni haha 3rd year and NOTHING, I KNOW, HARD WORK is better and I do enjoy uni. I understand that I should just work really hard because life is too short...and I need that 2:1 haha.
But i don't know just wanted to hear your words..on university, guys and feeling lonely.
(I would like to remain anonymous, but don't mind if you incorporate the story into a future blog post)
Best wishes,
a girl.

-------------------------
Hey! Thank you for e-mailing me.
You've done absolutely nothing wrong but go to university and get your degree. Do you know how many people get blinded once they've hit the uni scene? They forget what they worked hard for, why they've left their parents house and what the sole purpose of university is.
I think your situation falls under 'wanting/having it all'- You're just about to finish your last year at uni and if I'm honest finding 'the one' shouldn't be on your mind. If it happens, then kudos! But if you're striving for that 2:1 then let that be the only thing on your mind, if I'm honest, don't go looking for what isn't there.
You still have time to socialise with friends once you're done with higher education. You still have jobs to apply for where you could potentially meet the one, do you know how big our city is? Do you know how many network/social events take place every month where you could meet a lot of great new people? Take ADVANTAGE of that!
As great and big as university is, I learnt after a while that I saw the same faces over and over and over again. . so I don't blame you if you feel like you never/couldn't meet anyone. 
Being in a relationship won't necessarily stop you from being lonely, I feel like by keeping yourself busy you fill in that missing hole. As soon as you hand in your last assignment, go out more, try different places to meet new people etc.
Just carry on working hard and everything will fall into place, promise.

Oloni

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If you have any dilemmas you'd like to e-mail me, do so with the subject line as #DearOloni to itsOloni@gmail.com